Wednesday, March 30, 2005

It's Time to Let Go

It's late...late at night when I wake up from a dream, where I make an attempt to remember what it is I am looking for. I eventually realize that there is nothing and only finding you. Or maybe really what's left of you. I feel absolutely terrible becuase I focus with too much of my energy on things a bit too meticulous. Because I wake up every morning and I then find myself falling asleep every night looking forward to only one thing. I don't know where or how to establish my self when the initiative falls and plunges through without motives. There's really no one at fault but myself, for I am the one who gets myself into these things and soul deteriorating fixations wheter good or bad.


In my heads there’s only you now…
This world falls on me
In this world, there’s real and make believe
And this seems real to me
And you love me but you don’t know who
I amI’m torn between this life I lead and where I stand
And you love me but you don’t know who I am
So let me go, just let me go, let me go
THREE DOORS DOWN- LET ME GO

Here I am, this point in life, where I feel everything means so much more than it used to, and it should be that way. Every single mistakes, kept in psyche, costs so much more than it should’ve and every time we slip, I slip and drag myself further away from you. Every moment I make is deliberate and thorough, and it should be that way. Every word is articulated into more than just the shaping of my lips and the construction of my tongue at work. Every word thrives and pierces at my heart, so a piece of you is imprinted there. You… I will never understand… its time to let go because what we had will never be again. I love you but I don’t know who you are…and you love me but you don’t know who I am…so I leave it at that.

* so there another new journal and you can now comment on this one so stop bitching at me lol cuz i jsut wasted an hr to do this GRRRRRRRRRR!*

posted by ksmith405 @ 7:02 PM 47 comments

spring

The seasons are changing hastily. The temperature has ascended ten degrees, and the sun absorbs through the fabrication of my shirt like wine in bed sheets. The walks around the lake have lengthen deliberately and intentionally because there is too much to embrace and no cold, wintry feeling scampering down my spine; to much lethargy in our slow places and the heart of the concrete.

The casuals spend their night drinking cosmopolitan, screwdrivers, and chocolate berry martini while playing Texas hold' em with the screen door open like its mid-July. I can almost hear the humming of the fruit flies, the birds chirping their melodious music, and the mosquitoes flying through the air. The sounds of the ceramics and metal cores stacking on the glass table makes my heart pound like a bass drum. Martini glasses clink upon the table, and I scream out because this all bluff. All I truly wish for...all intentionally just to make a soundtrack to release there things that crafted those songs. Spring is life to my heart and music to my ears. Emit yourself.

Heat emanates from the concrete, and it indicates my predictable heart that will burn a hole right through the concrete. I walk the streets sometimes and see waxed curbs that remind me of kids who used to melt candles to the curb and rejoice until dawn. I'm daydreaming of leaning against the chain-link fences, spending nights listening to my old mix tapes and buzzing streetlamps, and photographing the essence of what orbits around me. Sitting there knowing that we are not alone and that together, we're illimitable.

Stop wallowing in your own self-pity because no one amounts to nothing. I want to amount to everything. Don't ever feel bad for me because, RIGHT NOW, I am more that I've ever been. Life, therefore, is still painting its masterpiece for me.

posted by ksmith405 @ 6:58 PM 9 comments