Ford's version of what guys want =(
Play with his penis. Never talk to him during a movie. Content yourself with 3 minutes of cuddling after sex, that's more than enough to fall asleep. Let him pick you up and throw you in the pool, and laugh about it. Hold his penis. Do not hold his penis and run. Or walk for that matter. Tell him you don't need flowers because the 300% mark-up is unjustifiably expensive. Tell him his penis looks huge. Introduce him to your friends as "the man I want to share with you, in bed." Sit with him at the ballgame and don't talk. Take him to the monster truck rally, steakhouses and strip clubs. Talk dirty to him in bed. Do a striptease for him. Do whatever it takes to make him horny. Have sex with him. A lot of sex. In fact, have so much sex you can't walk the next day. When he starts yelling at you, shut up and listen. Rub him, you know, down there. Let him play video games with his friends. Let him fall asleep on his side of the bed. Don't call him unless there is a purpose. Do not take 10 minutes to say one thing. Be succint. Jump on the bed with him, naked. Tatoo his name on your ass. Better yet, tatoo the name of his penis. That way, if you ever break up, you'll always have a reminder of his manhood. Get him mad, leave him alone. Change channels for him during commercial breaks. Give him backrubs. Give him oral sex. Give him food. Give him more oral sex. Give him oral sex while he watches television. Ride him like a cowgirl. Never keep him up all night talking. Leave him little bags of snacks throughout the house. It can be like an easter egg hunt, only for cheetos. Take him to secluded, yet public places, and have lots of sex. Make up flattering nicknames for his member, like Andre the Giant, or "the biggest penis I have ever seen in my life, including porn." Show up at work with a pizza, then take his car to get the oil changed. Learn how to drive stick-shift. Never drive his car, unless its to get the oil changed or wash it. Do not borrow his DVDs. Buy him more DVDs. Write him little notes. If he asks you to go to a show without him, go, its probably guy's night out. Never ask him to go for a drive unless you are paying for gas. And oil. And driving your car. And your car has a built-in DVD player. When you ask to go shopping, you really mean "Let's decide now what we want to buy, and only buy that." Do not try on 11 pairs of shoes just to see how they look. "Shopping" means going to Best Buy or Home Depot. When he is sick, bring him soup, rent him porn, then leave. Buy him steaks. Let him take all the naked picture of you he wants. When you dance, freak the shit out of him. Remind him of dates, because he will forget. Do not get mad at him when he forgets dates, even if you reminded him. Kiss his penis. When you fall in love with him, don't say anything, he fell in love with you from day one.
*yeah he made me put this on but you have to admit it is funny =)*
posted by ksmith405 @ 3:51 PM
42 Comments:
so running with a penis is BAD =( haha!
OMG..that was hilarious!
dude thats so true i wish all the hot chicks would take notes on this =(.
hahah in your dreams Ford!
=( if only one girl would follow all of this because i would be one happy guy.
hahaha shit that was funny!
could there be anymore things about penis?
ewww PENIS yuck lol wat a fatty right...Ford's just mad bc he has a small penis =)
hahahaha Ford has a small penis
I DO NOT HAVE A SMALL PENIS!!! It's very big...actually it's extremely big! damnit krys now everyone is gonna say i have a small penis =( and I'll never get laid again =(
lol um its not like u'll get any either way lol =)
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u got BURNED!
I'm sad =( krystal smith does not love me
wat a fatty i do too...if i did love u why would we still be friends when ur a big fatty...huh huh thats right!
wow atleast he ended it with something sweet...im SHOCKED FORD!
wow i so did not know that blowjobs were the key to a guy's heart hahaha in you dreams Ford!
hey krystal! Wow it was great seeing you last night! It's been so long since I've seen you but man do you just get pretter each day =)! You can't deny it krys because you it's true but I can't wait to see you again!
I told you the party would be fun gurl =p! That's rite u were wrong lol..damn do you have to hog all the guys krys lol jk!
grrrrr krys! Why did you come to the party so late? I almost missed you! I heart you gurl!
was great seeing the hotness last night!
wasssup krystal smith? You finally came to one of our parties =p! It was great seeing you last night, next time maybe Cody won't hog you all night! Damn you Cody lol!
wow the smithster! I didn't know you had a blog until the guys told me today! You were really banging last night with that sexiness =)! But, next time gay ass Cody won't be taking all the smithster for himself and i can dance with the hotness!
FATTY! Where you at? That's right you're at work hahaha bummer!
shit krys you sure do have tons of comment? It's like high school again with everyone trying to get krystal smith's attention lol jk! It was cool hanging with you last night!
hey krys...it was fun last night!
hola sexy mama
see last night was fun even tho we didn't get to go clubbing...we better next time tho =)!
dude Ford is funny as shit!
yo smith =p thanks for coming to my party. You were looking hot as usual =D.
Big K shit it's been forever since I've seen you. Dude you were what a freshman when a was a senior in high school and look how hot you are now =D. Dude we need to hang out more I didn't know you got in to Rice! Shit that school is hard to get into! You hot smart chick =)!
sup Big K dude it was great seeing you last night. You know we be hitting your party up this coming thursday =)! Man i can't believe you're only 19 hehe bc you be looking hot for only a 19 yr old.
wat!?! you're only 19 haha jk i know you were a young chick but a very hot one haha! See you thursday hottie!
I swear krys the only reason why so many guys came to the tennis game was to see you and steph jump around in a skirt =D! I mean they did have a good reason tho bc you guys look HOT in your tennis uniform!
Seriously Smith you are way too hot =D. It's like everywhere I go there's gotta be one of my friends that gotta bring up how hot the Smithster is haha! You gotta come out to the party with us more.
dude krys it's been like 4 years since we've seen each other until last night. Damn i still remember when you were that cute little freshman but man you're Hot like HOTTTTTTTTT now lol =). What's a hottie like miss smithster not having a bf?
hahaha oh it was fun last night krys.
Krystal Smith I can't believe that you get pay that much lol I mean shit you don't even ahve a degree and they pay that much lol!
Dork!
wut's that one quote again from the movie krys...from sense and sensibilty from the Edwards guy? I love that quote but i forget =(
I think it goes something like, "My heart will and always will be.......(there's like this long pause) ...Yours!" Oh that was a good movie! All u guys need to watch it and like take notes =)!
I think it goes something like, "My heart will and always will be.......(there's like this long pause) ...Yours!" Oh that was a good movie! All u guys need to watch it and like take notes =)!
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